Reason number 1,552 why we need to get the fuck out of New York - it is IMPOSSIBLE to find a doctor when you need one, and then when you do, the doctor usually sucks.

Yesterday my OB diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression, and now I need to see a psychiatrist. The only psy she knows doesn't take insurance, so I need to find a psy that does. Easier said than done. I made 6 phone calls this morning and so far, no dice. Oh, there are plenty of doctors I could call who don't take insurance - because I live in NYC and I'm clearly rich, right? WTF?

When I was having problems breastfeeding, I was told to call a lactation consultant. Ok. They all charged 200 bucks an hour for a home visit, 150 for an office visit. That's an outragous amount of money to me. I'm a highly skilled professional and I only charge 50 to 60 bucks an hour. And I'm certainly not going to take my week-old baby out in the cold winter to save 50 bucks. So, we didn't do an LC, and she eats formula now.

Here's the thing about NYC: if you're rich, you get the medical help you need because you can pay for it. if you're poor, you get the medical help you need because the state pays for it. If you're middle class, you're screwed. Maybe that's also true of the rest of the country, I don't know. All I know is I have lived all over this country and I never had a problem with the medical community like I have had here.

And now it's time to take my baby to the one of two doctors we like here - our pediatrician.

Yesterday was filled with all kinds of bad news - layoffs, layoffs, layoffs. Doesn't bode well for us, or rather for me given that our move to Michigan pretty much rests squarely on my ability to get a job back there. Still, we're going forward with the plan, which is to move out of NYC at the end of June.

Today I see my doctor for the first time since having the baby. I was supposed to see her at 6 weeks, but I kept pushing the appointment since we were in Michigan for so long. I need to discuss my anxiety with her. I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I'm guessing not. I was hoping to avoid postpartum depression, but given my history of depression and anxiety I guess it's not a surprise that I probably have it. I hate the idea of medication, but at this point I know I can't go on like this. So if that's what I need, that's what I need.

J (my husband) is trying to find work for Friday. I'm filled with anxiety over it. Another day alone with the baby. It freaks me out. Why do I feel like this?

Living in Exile

This blog is a memoir of our attempt to move out of NYC to our home state of Michigan. "We" consists of myself, my husband, our daughter, and our dog.